I've just come up from checking on my sleeping boys. They are cuddled together so sweetly, and as I leave them I think of the countless and repetitive Facebook posts I read today: "[my children] are the greatest mother's day gift[s] I could get." Which begs the question, what gifts do we give our children? I suppose I hope that the daily things we do with our children, whether with food, with play, with reading, with vast amounts of affection are gifts that "keep on giving," so to speak. With respect to food and health, our "gifts" are often met with friction and sometimes outright refusal. While browsing the New York Times health blog, Well, tonight, I found this interesting article about mistakes parents make with regards to the nutrition of their children. It is always comforting to know that there is never an end to the ways we can enrich our kids' appreciation or openness to the gift of food. Here are the main points of the article, with some added thoughts from my experience:
"Sending children out of the kitchen"
I know all too well how difficult (and sometimes dangerous) it is to cook with two little ones running around the kitchen. Most of the time it is just plain easier to set them up with a video in the other room to keep them out of the way. It has occurred to me on several occasions, and now seems to be confirmed by studies, that having children involved in or at the very least witness to cooking and meal preparation paves the way for their interest in food. My older son is a part of a Waldorf-inspired playgroup, and every Monday they bake the bread that they then eat on Tuesday. He is so proud of this involvement and tries to help me every time I bake something. Try placing a solid stool next to a safe area of counter space and hand them the wooden butter knives, a cutting board, and some vegetables. Or make a little dough for them to knead and roll while you are at work. You'd be amazed at the fun they have.
"Pressuring them to take a bite"
We are all guilty of this. There are some meals or many, for that matter, that I just can't get my children to eat what I would like them to. Coercion just doesn't seem to work, and often it backfires. The article suggests putting the food on the table and using gentle encouragement for your child to try it. The most interesting part, for me, however, was this passage: "But don’t complain if she refuses, and don’t offer praise if she tastes it. Just ask her if she wants some more or take seconds yourself, but try to stay neutral." Just stay neutral. What an amazing thought. This definitely takes the judgment out of one's food experience.
"Keeping 'good stuff' out of reach"
It appears that there are countless studies showing that when food is restricted, compulsive or binge eating can follow. I once read an article on this same wavelength, which inspired me to keep the applesauce on the same plate as the "main" dish I was serving my child for lunch, rather than showcasing it as a dessert later. Something about setting up some foods as prizes for the consumption of others that only led to an imbalanced approach to one's meal. And for snacks, I always serve the beloved cheese crackers or graham crackers next to the carrots or apple slices. There are times that the fruit and veggies are still left on the plate, but there are other times that the fruit is favored over those savory treats. I don't think this means that one should always serve chocolate chip cookies at the same time they are trying to get their child to eat their pasta for lunch. Let's be realistic. But I do think this is an interesting point. We have to be wise about what we feed our children in all cases, but we can be more thoughtful about how we incorporate a variety of tastes and choices into their meals and snacks. One alongside the other. I think this bodes well for their ability to make the right choices in the long run.
"Dieting in front of your children"
Wow. This is a big one. We all talk often about the modeling we do for our children. How we can't expect them to eat the right foods if we don't, etc. Our children are tuned in to our food habits in ways we can't even imagine, and they are likely to try more things if they see us eating them. They also will reject the things we reject. Given all of this, it is no wonder that a child's perception of their own bodies or relationship to food may be powerfully wrapped up in what they witness of their parents' food habits or preoccupations with dieting or food restrictions. What's worse is that at least one report has found that mothers who were obsessed with weight and dieting were more likely to pressure their own daughters into weight loss or food restriction. As for me, I worry more about the example I embody when I am drinking way too many ice coffees or eating way too many scones in the front seat of my car, as opposed to choosing those same carrots or apple slices I am offering my children. Nonetheless, it is all a very fine line.
"Serving boring vegetables"
I think this one speaks for itself. I have talked a lot in other postings about how vegetables are often served in ways that are uninteresting to children. I think the important thing is to incorporate them in healthy but flavorful ways in your food, be it in curries or soups, or a stir-fry, or a baking sheet of sweet potato "fries" with a bit of olive oil and salt. Make your veggies come alive.
"Giving up too soon"
We've all heard someone say, "My kid would never eat that.” That may be true now, but preferences change and change quickly. And one thing this article mentions is that sibling or friendship dynamics can alter a child's response to new foods. My sons are quite crazy about nori (thin, dried sheets of seaweed, used for sushi and as a condiment for many Asian dishes). They can eat it by the package, and we usually serve it with fish and sticky rice. This is certainly something that doesn't sound like something kids would like, but in my experience, they love it when they try it. As the article says, "exposure to new foods is what counts."
At the end of this very lovely day that is for mothers, I am left pondering all the ways we succeed and fail as parents. It is an incredible responsibility this thing called parenthood. I guess my greatest hope is that my kids grow up with an attachment to the world and people around them. And I can't help but associate an openness to food as one of those ties that binds and makes them more open and diverse people themselves. The Well blog also has a posting called "Share Six Words About Your Mother," where one has to encapsilate their mother in just six words. I guess I hope that these are the six words my sons say about me: "She tried, and so did I."
Happy mother's day to you all.